INTERVIEW TRANSCRIPT
WITH COLIN MOCHRIE (JULY 17th, 2005)
BOB
Before we start, I just want to say how excited we are to have you
host the show. I personally am a big fan of your work.
COLIN
Thank you, Bob. I’m a big fan
of yours as well.
BOB
Oh, come on now!
COLIN
No, really! That Harvey’s commercial
is great stuff.
BOB
Well, what an honour, thank you.
COLIN
And you do such astounding work on Sunday Night Live. I don’t
normally play favourites, but you’re definitely the pick of the litter in this bunch.
BOB
Oh wow! I’m speechless. This is pretty overwhelming!
COLIN
I really enjoy your stand-up act as well. And when you were in Flossy
and the Jube Jubes…really really funny.
BOB
You saw all that?
COLIN
Oh yeah. In fact, I had my eye on you even when you were a student
at Humber.
BOB
…wow…that’s crazy…
COLIN
Yes, and even when you were attending L.C.C.V.I. High School in Petrolia,
I thought you were great. You were pretty good in English class. Although, that book report you did on W.O. Mitchell’s
“How I Spent My Summer Vacation” wasn’t your best work. Still liked it, but it was lacking the panache that
you had especially when you were writing love letters to that girl, Sarah. The ones you never ended up sending to her. Do
you still keep in touch with Sarah, at least?
BOB
Uh…no…
COLIN
That’s a shame. I remember your first girlfriend… Elise.
BOB
That was in Grade Two…
COLIN
Grade One.
BOB
…Oh…
COLIN
She wasn’t right for you. But I made her go away, Bob. I made
her disappear…
BOB
…Jesus Christ…
COLIN
Before you were born, I remember your parents, Doug and Lorraine, working
in a farm at St. Mary’s…they weren’t even planning on having you. But I changed that, Bob…thanks to
this safety pin. And now, I give this pin to you, my little Pisces pal.
BOB
Oh my God…Colin…
COLIN
Yes, Bob?
BOB
…will you sign this safety
pin?
COLIN
Only if you sign this napkin you
used back in ’87.
BOB
Deal! Colin Mochrie, ladies and gentlemen!
Glenn Slay-Me
I'll try to spare you a long-winded story here and get down to the bare bones of it all. Recently, Sunday Night Live
held a best of show. In fact, it was January 9th, 2005.
Anyway, Dear Sweet Glenn Sumi, a comedy reviewer for the independent Toronto NOW Magazine was there to review. Now, normally
I wouldn't have cared. I rarely get any sort of mention from critics, so I wouldn't have been phased. However, Glenn and I
recently developed a very special relationship. Here's what went down, friends.
You see, about a month ago, Glenn wrote a Best of 2004 for comedians, but that sly, little devil also put a Worst
of 2004. Here's what it was...
DORE'S A BORE
If Ben Mulroney was the class
in the Canadian Idol broadcasts, his ongoing flirtation buddy Jon Dore - whose lame routines weren't even bad
enough to be campy - was clearly the ass. Simon sez: please don't come back next season.
MACK KNIFED
Whether he's joking about video games
or ranting about self-righteous Vancouverites, Mack Lawrenz is one of the least charismatic, least funny people I've
ever seen. Go back to your PlayStation, dude.
Jon Dore
and Mack Lawrenz are friends of mine. I think they're real funny and they're talented guys. I was livid (and drunk) so I wrote
a letter, which got published two weeks later. It reads...
Punditry a parody
While using dull grade-school puns and jump-rope rhymes like Mack
Knifed and Dore's A Bore for unfavoured comics can be seen as hilarity itself (NOW, December 23-29), I suggest that dear, sweet Glenn Sumi move his less than credible
reviews to a parody newspaper.
Y'know, like the Onion or the Toronto Sun.
Bob Kerr
Toronto
You see, not only did I have the chance to take a peg
outta dear, sweet Glenn Sumi, but I also threw a curve at the Toronto Sun. I'm so clever!
Now, looking back on the whole thing, I should have also pointed out that a.) picking on amateur comedians
is tactless, even for a reviewer and b.) picking on a comedian who was a correspondent for an unfunny Canadian Idol is kind
of...what's the word...easy?
But alas, Glenn was reviewing our show the very same week that this letter was published, and my fellow sketchmates
jokingly suggested that my goose was going to be cooked and judged especially. I had to admit, it was possible.
The show went well, not our best. And guess what? Glenn agreed. But he had a few other points:
I'm not sure the ensemble needs to be so large. The
women are distinctive (physically and in their character work), but the guys are pretty interchangeable. Hefty dudes Tal
Zimerman and Dan Galea exude the same vibe, while Grant Cumming comes across as a funnier wiry guy than
the uncomfortable Bob Kerr .
Ouch!
Now, I should point out that the sketch I had a main role in was the one that I wrote, which involved a suicide
intervention where, at first, no one shows up. Well, except the guy (ME) who organized it. Then the suicidal guy's recent
ex-girlfriend shows up with her new boyfriend. Y'know, to console.
Sounds like a cozy scene, huh?
Maybe I was uncomfortable, though. I did have Burger King earlier, and it wasn't sitting too well
with me. I mean, it seems kind of childish to imply that I got the "Expendable" card dealt because I wrote an anti-Sumi letter
in the week previous. He did also slam my fellow sketchmates Dan and Tal, so it can't be all that personal.
Although, I was the last thing in the paragraph. I don't know. You judge.
I should also point out, that in the very first review Glenn ever wrote about us, he pointed out that the
Sketchersons was "the all-white ensemble", which has everything to do with comedy, n'est pas? Don't believe me? Here she blows:
The all-white ensemble, dubbed the Sketchersons
, is consistently tight, but Craig Brown , Pat Thornton , Shannon Beckner , Gary Rideout and
Dan Galea stand out.
Good call, Sumi. We were all-white. But the Beatles were
all-English!
I'm not defensive in the least. Quite the opposite, actually. I'm in good company. Mack Lawrenz and Jon Dore
are quite funny. He's also slagged Terry Clement, now a working Yuk's comic, and even Kids in the Hall, during their
reunion tour. So, I'm overjoyed, really. Maybe I'll make it now!
You see, Sumi deals out ace of spades cards without even realizing that it's also a great Motorhead
tune.
